TULSA, Olla.--The First United Methodist Church women's group held a birthday party of Mabel McCullough who is about to turn 95. They had a carrot cake for her birthday cake, on it there were 95 candles. With help, McCullough blew them all out and created a big cloud of smoke.
Eddi Carlin, one of the guests, said, "There wasn't an inch to spare. By the time we had them all lit, it looked like a torch." She goes onto say, "We had just sat down to eat when we saw them in the doorway." By "them" she is referring to the 24 firefighter party crashers.
The smoke from the blown-out candles set off a smoke alarm. As a result, five engines and two ladder companies arrived. Fire Chief Lonnie Lamb said, "In my 23 years on the job, I've seen a lot of things set off a fire alarm, but I don't think I've ever heard of one going off because of a birthday cake."
The firefighters didn't stick around to eat birthday cake, but they did have their pictures taken with McCullough.
If you'd take the headline and use it as your lead, you'd have it. But your existing is dull as dirt. See if you can spice it up.
ReplyDeleteIt's Tulsa, Okla.
Here's how I'd rework your second paragraph:
"There wasn't an inch to spare," said Eddi Carlin, one of the guests. "By the time we had them all lit, it looked like a torch."
Carlin added, "We had just sat down to eat when we saw them in the doorway."
She's referring to the 24 firefighters who crashed the party looking for a fire.
Make Lamb's quote a separate paragraph.
12/15