Saturday, April 17, 2010

Focus Story Structure

Even with the risks, Pete Stenhoff, 16, played high school football. Little did he know how high the costs could be.
During his senior year at Chula vista High School in Redmond, Calif., he rammed his head into the ball carrier's chest. Stenhoff cracked vertebrae in his spine and now is confined to a wheelchair. He is not bitter. "I knew the risks involved when I decided to play football," he says, and adds, "I wish I would have known just how bad it could be." At the time of the accident, Stenhoff weighed 210 pounds; now he weighs 172 pounds.
Unfortunately, there are 20,000 injuries in high school football each year -- 12 percent of them permanently disabling the victims. Thirteen youths died last year and thirty-five percent of the injuries are to the neck or head. Most critics blame the helmet. Pete didn't graduate with his class is and trying to get his diploma by taking correspondence courses.

1 comment:

  1. Nice job on this! Just make the quote its own paragraph, get rid of "unfortunately" (opinion) and the passive voice ("there are").

    18/20

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