Saturday, February 13, 2010

Leads 3: REVISE

Today, last month's death of 34-year-old Laura Jessica Smythe was announced as accidental drowning at Sharp Park Golf Course.

Laura Jessica Smythe, age 34, was found last month dead by a local hiker in Sharp Park Golf Course. Robert Foster, the San Mateo coroner, stated that Smythe's death was accidental. Foster stated that the death was "consistent with freshwater drowning, associated with probable hypothermia." Foster added that Smythe had Methamphetamines in her system when she died.

1 comment:

  1. You've started this lead with a double "when" instead of with the news. Also, since Smythe was not well known, this should be a delayed identification lead.

    * coroner, not corner
    * avoid using double negatives (nothing ... not accidental)

    7/10 - please revise

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