A 2.2 earthquake hit near Alum Rock Road this morning with no injuries or damage reported. The epicenter was about four miles deep, nine miles northeast from San Jose City Hall.
Yesterday, U.S Highway 9 was closed from 7:30 a.m to 4:00 a.m due to several trees falling across the road overnight due to rain and wind.
1a) "The USGS reported" doesn't make for a very exciting lead. Start with what happened (the quake) then give your source attribution.
ReplyDeleteThe bigger problem, though, is that you've misstated one of the facts. Please recheck your story against the fact set and revise this lead. (When you do that, you should also try to keep your lead to one sentence, two at the most.)
0/5, pending revision
1b) Don't start with your lead with "when" -- start with the most important and/or interesting info, which is generally "what" happened.
Also the following are incorrect: "High Way" and "7:30 A.M to 4:00 P.M" Check your AP Stylebook.
3/5 - please revise
1a) much better! 0+4=4/5
ReplyDelete1b) You've fixed the AP style errors, but you're still starting this lead with "when" it happened instead of with "what" happened. 3+1=4/5