131 people left dead outside Pittsburgh yesterday as U.S plane collided with the ground while attempting to touchdown. It's the worst air disaster in the U.S in the past three years.
This lead feels like a headline because it starts with a numeral and is missing a verb.
All 131 people on board a U.S. Air jet were killed yesterday when the plane crashed outside Pittsburgh while preparing to land. It's the worst air disaster in the United States in the past three years.
Start your lead with what happened (131 people were killed in an air crash), not where/when it happened.
ReplyDeleteA bigger problem, though, is that this lead contains a fact error. Please double-check your story against the facts and rewrite this lead.
0/10 pending revision
This lead feels like a headline because it starts with a numeral and is missing a verb.
ReplyDeleteAll 131 people on board a U.S. Air jet were killed yesterday when the plane crashed outside Pittsburgh while preparing to land. It's the worst air disaster in the United States in the past three years.
0+5=5/10