A 74-year-old woman plowed her car through front window of Joe's Food Mart and Video last evening and then tried to buy a six-pack of beer.
Lynn Rice from Norwalk, Los Angeles, drove her 1988 Cadillac through Joe's Food Mart and Video yesterday evening. The car plowed about halfway through the store. Luckily, no one was injured.
According to Joe Awada, after the crash, Rice got out of the car, walked to the cooler and pulled out a six pack of Budweiser. Awada said, "I don't know how she managed to walk." He added that a cashier refused to sell her the sixpack and instead called the police.
Lt. Jenny Han said Rice was taken to a hospital for an examination because she had a medical condition. Rice was also arrested for investigation of misdemeanor driving under the influence. She was released on $15, 000 bail, authorities said.
Start your lead sentence with an article and you've about got it: A 74-year-old woman plowed her car through front window ....
ReplyDeleteYou've misspelled Rice's first name -- that's a fact error -- and repeated her age and some other information in P2. Don't repeat info in a news story.
* after the crash (lowercase)
* Lt. Jenny Han said Rice was taken ... (avoid stilted phrases like "as stated by" -- you're writing a news story, not a legal document)
0/15 - fact error - please revise
Much better, but you could tighten it up some more -- you've still got some repetition. Also, Norwalk is in Los Angeles County; it's not part of LA.
ReplyDelete0+10=10/15